Used my inflatable airline seat encroachment device for the first time; very pleased

Even though I am so fricking tired from the two legs of flying today, I got online to write this blog because I am really excited about how well my inflatable-seat-space device worked today. It's a whole other issue why I had to fly two legs even though there is a direct flight and I don't want to get started on it. But since I'm started, basically my company buys us the cheapest possible flight, because they think it will save the company money. However, they don't realize that this makes every trip one or two days longer, adding another night of hotel expense, not to mention the extra day of per diem, which of course is spent entirely on beer, wine, bourbon, etc. on the flight there and to try to get to sleep the night before the business meeting. So it ends up costing the company more money and for some (not me) the 10 hours of drinking the day / night before the meeting probably decreases business performance (neglecting the incremental benefit of having super-drinking powers for the next night out with the meeting people). If I were CEO, I would make sure my people fly up the same day as a meeting, or having something important to do when they get there, so they stay reasonably sober. For the way home, they can walk home, what do I care? Ha, ha, just kidding, I would be a very friendly CEO.

OK, So today, for some reason I had planned ahead for this trip and I purchased one of those inflatable suits, custom tailored for the airline and aircraft that you are booked on. The trick is (I guess), that you need to buy a model appropriate for both legs of your flight (if applicable) so that the space to fill is the correct size. There is considerable variation from, say an L10-11 to a 747 to some puddle jumper. I suppose it is still on the honor system for you not to use it when your space is obviously smaller than the suit can fill, as I don't think yet the airlines have adapted policies for these kind of things. But even so, let's say you used a 747 model on some crappy prop plane from Ithaca to La Guardia--would anyone really have a right to complain, given that it's generally accepted that if you weigh 350 pounds you can spill over into my seat on whatever flight you wish? Some people actually weigh 350 pounds and are in good shape, or at least it's just their body type, that's not what I'm saying, I'm just saying: "Why do my size small clothes cost the same as size XXL, even though it is plainly obvious that I am receiving far less in raw materials, namely cotton, polyester, rayon, dacron, elastic, spandex, etc. and even whatever thread is made of?" Actually, that's not what I'm saying today, I was in a good mood when I started, because the new gadget worked so well. I will proceed:

It turns out that both legs of my flight had the same model plane, so ordering was easy. I ordered mine from the direct site, but I think Amazon now has them now (or maybe it is just a link to their store: http://www.stopairlineseatencroachment.com). (I think this company has been making a killing off lithe businesswomen and lanky businessmen for a while and now they are using Amazon to ramp up to us less-frequent fliers.) So all I had to do was tell them my normal size for pants and shirt, and the type of airplane(s) and then within 5-10 business days, I recieved my suit. They still only sell manual-inflate models, which I think is reasonable, given the need to pass through TSA and also considerations of cost and ease of packing. If you think about it, most people using them should have reasonable cardio-vascular health and so be able to do some huffin and puffin after they've put all their other crap under the seat in front of them, or in the overhead compartment. They do have a few options, I forget the other options, but I did opt for the neck ring torroidal thing, which is for sleeping, and I have to say, it is idiotic to not get that. Ever since I have been flying, I have been too cheap to spend $15 or whatever dollars on one of those neck cushion things and every single time I end up lolly-gagging my head around, not able to sleep, or in incredible pain when I wake up? Why did I do that? Seriously, if you take my advice on anything, definitely get the neck cushion option. Oh I remember, they also have different patterns, colors, etc. (camo, e.g.), but I just got clear, which is fine if you wear clothes you are not embarrassed of.

OK, so here is the reason I am so happy. On the very first flight, it was a 2 / 3 seater, and I was a window in the 3 seat side. There was some other guy in the aisle, and the flight wasn't sold out, so I basically thought I was OK, except for the regular annoyances that make flying so fricking unbearable. For example, this guy in the aisle had a book, but was OBVIOUSLY not reading it and kept peering over into my area and waiting for me to make eye contact to initiate a conversation. I hated him even before that, because he was a stranger, but when it became clear that he was a chatter, then I was tacitly livid knowing he was going to start something. Then I knew even if he were so chatty-cathy on me, he would still be pissed and make a huge deal out of it when I had to go take a leak 2 hours into the flight because I had had 3 Jack Daniel's in order to tolerate him. As if me asking him to fricking un-do his seat belt, stand up, and move three feet either forward or backward, twice (which, by the way, is good to do to avoid deep vein thrombosis) is worse than him bothering me with inane conversation for three hours straight. So then I start day-dreaming about my main solution for this, which is that they should just use general anaesthesia on every passenger on every flight. This would really be the most pleasant and safe way to travel. No terrorist is going to bust into the cockpit if he is unconscious. Obviously this isn't going to happen. But how about just getting rid of all the seats and letting people mingle? This is the most common way to avoid talking to people. There would be a problem with bad turbulence, but I have ideas for magnetic boots that would get rid of that problem. Furthermore, if people were standing, mingling, you could fit a lot more people onto one plane and much more comfortably. This is similar to if you stacked everyone into slots / bed compartments (which is compatible with the general anaesthesia idea, and even without sedative, stacked sleeping compartments would be infinitely more comfortable).

So, with all that going through my head, it turns out my worry about the stanger one seat away from me was a minor concern compared with the behemoth who happened to be scheduled to sit directly between us. Ordinarily, at this point I would have silently flipped my lid, but today I was clearly excited and I know that my heart started racing. The guy did all the predictable things: feigned confusion; faked inability to operate overhead compartment; insincere apologies; not-so-sneaky, unnaproved raising of our separating armrest, etc. He flopped down and I would estimate that multiple parts of his body were on top of mine, clearly in my own space. I sort of paused for a minute, maybe to soak it all in, but really because deep down I was still nervous, and then I started inflating my suit (I had practiced at home, so knew what to do). So, basically, for the first minute or so I think the fat guy, and the potential talker next to him were confused, and by the looks on their faces maybe worried that I was some kind of terrorist going to blow up the plane via an exploding bag. Then it became clear what was happening, as the air pressure started actually moving various parts and folds of the guy next to me and I just kept going.

So, actually, it was a lot of hard work inflating, and I will probably look into those blogs whose bloggers have claimed to have figured out how to tap into the oxygen mask system--but I don't really believe those bloggers, because it would seem like clearly you would be tasered or something for messing with those. Anyway: much to my DEE-LIGHT, the whole suit inflated and before we even started to taxi, I was engulfed in my own COMFORTABLE space, pretty much exactly equal to the space that I had purchased with my ticket, same as the fat guy next to me. I enjoyed it a bit as the potential-yapper's smile slowly faded as he realized that he (lacking a suit) was basically double-f'ed now that I had inflated. In case you are wondering, yes, they both, separately dinged for the flight attendants to complain, but I would guess that while new to both of my aisle-mates, the flight attendant was newly familiar, and I was clearly in the right and so no recourse was granted.

So, that is why I am so happy. The first leg of the flight was probably the most comfortable I've been on a flight, ever, including when I've had the whole row to myself. I didn't even have any bourbon or anything, though I did have several beers at the Max & Erma's between flights while I gloated over the first flight. The second flight it turns out I had no person next to me, which I found disappointing. Also, it turns out that there is no way to inflate the neck ring without inflating the whole suit, and I was too embarrassed to do that just so I could sleep. That is definitely a drawback that the manufacturer needs to address, but overall, as I'm sure you can tell, I am very pleased, and I highly recommend this product.